Aftermath of the SPRING 2000 Election

FSP sings the blues about Vision's Presidential Candidate Dave Winchester's lackluster support of FSP in the run-off, in  "Winchester's Campaigning" (To the tune of the Petula Clark hit, "Winchester Cathedral") [Dave Winchester was elected as the Tolbert Senator in 1997 Vision's minority leader in the senate in the following spring.  He was IRHA Vice President from 1998-1999 until he lost the IRHA Presidential Election to Suke Pathek.  After losing a senate race in fall '99 for the Broward seat, he was brought in as Vision's Presidential Candidate in Spring 2000.  After Vision was eliminated after the first ballot, Mr. Winchester preferred to stay neutral and endorse neither FSP nor Impact.  Party Chair Gary Slossberg and others, however, persuaded the party to endorse FSP.] Winchester's Campaiging is bringing me down He stood and he watched as Our voters left town He could have done something but he just didn't try We gave him our platforms but he let them walk by Now everyone knows  just how much we needed those Votes But he just sat down behind our table when we needed him most Winchester's Campaiging is a crying shame He endorsed us well maybe but that's just in name Oh-bo-de-o-do oh-bo-de-o-do Oh-bo-de-o-do de-do- duh

FSP's genius at Public Relations contemplates where to go now FSP, first party affiliation, is dead, as he sings the mob-tune hit "I'm Just an Frankie-O." To the tune of Louis Prima's "I'm Just a gigalo" (Also covered by David Lee Roth in the 1980's) [After spending as much as 40,000 and pulling every campaign strategy and trick possible, the beleaugered Impact party stole both Exectuive electionsin a run-off decided by only 200 votes.  Money and time lost, Big Frankie and the other FSP leadership contemplate their fate.] VERSE: I'm just a Frankie-o and everywhere I go people know the party I was playin' Helped pay for every ad boy it makes me mad Oh, what am I sayin? There has come a day FSP has passed away What will they say about me When the end comes I know They'll say 'just a Frankie-o' SG goes on, without me [repeat] CHORUS: Cause, I-I-I ain't got no party and no party cares for me What happened, F-S-P? I-I-I'm so sad and lonely (sad & lonely,Vision told me) Won't some Theta Chi give a tap to me 'cause I ain't so bad  [Improvise] I-I-I ain't got no party and no party cares for me What happened, F-S-P?

Liberace plays the theme from Mondo Cane, "More" while serenading the FSP's rather expensive gamble at power [Historical note: Blue Key & Delta Chi member Bret Berlin's victory in 1992 came with about 40,000 and extensive suppot of the independents. Jill Kovach & Joe Johnson were Blue Key Chapter Officers who supported and even personally campaigned for FSP, which lost in the run-off due to an unusually low Engineering College turnout] More, than the trust fund meant they had to win More, than any party spent since Bret Berlin More, than Jilly Jill, Joe Johnson, or Big Frank More, than the houses that just walked the plank More, sure I thought they'd win, you know but when the Engineers didn't show We all knew it was over,  now it's hist'ry, defeat a mystery Thirty or Forty grand's a lot of gold But all the groups that split are in the cold I know I never lied before But my heart is very sure No one else deserved it more

The Former Vision Party Candidate Chorus together in harmony sing their hearts out and their true feelings of regret in going down with the green-shirted ship in "Visions" (To the Spanish song "Feelings" or Dime) [The Vision party's (1997-2000) official party color was Green.  In the Spring 2000 election Vision was completely shut out of the senate races and sometimes finished behind the upstart Keg party. "Slossy" refers to political campaigning masters student Gary Slossberg, who was Vision presidential Candidate (Spring '99) and party chair (Fall '99 & Spring 2000) when vision failed to gain a single seat in two straight elections.  Nick Zissimopolous was Vision's minority leader in the Senate and was elected twice consecutively as Liberal Arts Senator (1997 & 1998).  Heather Kelly was Vision's Vice-Presidential candidate in '97 and party chair until James Salt defeated her in a Vision Party caucus after the Spring '98 election.] Visions, nothing more than Visions, trying to forget my Visions of green. Teardrops rolling down on my Green Shirt, trying to forget my feelings of hurt. Visions, all those years I voted for them. I wish I've never met Slossy; he never could campaign Visions, wo-o-o Visions, wo-o-o, green shirts again in my arms. Visions, like I've never lost you Visions like we never were shut out Spring and Fall Visions, though we couldn't hold it We had once 24 seats of them all Visions, like I've never lost you Nick Ziss and heather Kelley, You used to be mine Visions, wo-o-o Visions, wo-o-o, green shirts again in my arms. Visions. . . (repeat & fade)

SPRING 2000 Run-off

Take me out to the Spend Game (To the tune of the 1908 American traditional 7th inning strech waltz, 'Take me out to the Ball Game) [In the election of 2000, FSP's campaign may have spent up to $10 per vote (3115 votes for  anywhere of $20,000 to $40,000 spent) although it is impossible to be sure given the easy nature of manipulating campaign finance reports on all parties.] Take me out to the Spend Game  Take me out to the dough Buy me some Radio & TV Spots I don't care if we over-promise a lot And its give, give give to the Alligator-- If we're not poor by the end And its TWENTY, THIRTY, FORTY grand in the run off At the old spend game!

FSP we're calling you (From a WWII propaganda song about the D-Day invasion, "Germany we're Calling you") [Written after the Insurgent Greek Rebels in FSP finished second (35%) behind Impact's plurality of 40% in the 1st ballot of the Spring 2000 election, thus setting up a hotly contested run-off the next week] Duty calls, hey FSP! We are looking foward to your run-off days FSP, we're calling you Everything has been prepared in every way You think that you unbeatable you think you're the most but though you've got the cash on hand But only we have the votes Oh FSP, we're calling you, and don't forget that we are waiting for YOU!

“Last Election”, sung by the Vision party's few surviving members after the Spring defeat in the Spring 2000 election.  Another Big Nick Classic sung to the tune of Pearl Jam’s "Last Kiss". (Sent in by Big Nick) [Historical Note:  The incarnation of the Vision party, founded in 1997 by Phi Delta Theta with support of the independents, was moderately successful in its contested elections until Fall 1999 and Spring 2000, where it ended up with no seats for two consecutive elections.  As a further embarassment, Vision finished (behind even the 'Keg' Party) last in the College of Engineering, a constituency that Vision had easily swept the past 3 years in a row.[ Oh where oh where can my Vision be The voters took it away from me It's gone in a grave and it’s totally dead So I can vote for George or Ian instead We were out campaigning up and down the streets We had met mostly people who were mean There in Turlington at the tables New parties were out and they were able We couldn’t stop so we moved our beliefs I'll never forget all of our griefs The screaming voters the busting cash The painful laugh that I heard last Oh where oh where can my Vision be The voters took it away from me It's gone in a grave and it’s totally dead So I can vote for George or Ian instead When I woke up Tuesday rain was pouring down There were no people standing all around No green shirts seen through my eyes But somehow I found one voter that night I lifted Gary’s head at the Tortilla Grill After Keg had slipped us the deadly pill I held him close I shook him our last shake I need a new party with new mistakes Well now it's gone even though I tried to do right I lost my political life that night Oh where oh where can my Vision be The voters took it away from me It's gone in a grave and it’s totally dead So I can vote for George or Ian instead

SPRING 2000 Election

A Jeremy Kaplan supporter who couldn't quite make it to the polls sings his lonesome cry in Won't you come home Jeremy Kappy?(To the tune of the old American Ragtime/Jazz song, 'Bill Bailey won't you please come home') [Jeremy Kaplan was Vision's candidate for Treasurer in Spring '00, and also was treasurer of 4 other organizations.  Despite an Alligator Endorsement, Jeremy finished 3rd on the 1st ballot, 200 votes ahead of the non-campaigning Keg Party] Won't you come home Jeremy Kappy? Is Vision done? He moans, the whole night long I'll do some votin' Kappy I promise next time I knows I done you wrong Do you remember that rainy voting That fateful day You got nothing but a fine-toothed comb I knows I'se to blame, oh, ain't it a shame Jeremy Kappy won't you please come home

THE GREEKS SERENADE THE FSP's BIG FRANK RHODEN The FSP-led young Brothers of Sigma Chi sing 'The Plank of my Dreams--It's the sweetheart deal of F-S-Pi' (to the tune of the Sigma Chi annual serenade "The Girl of my Dreams--The Sweetheart of Sigma Chi")  [Note: Right around the first day of voting in the Spring 2000 election, the FSP decided to try the bold move of advertising the actual 'gigs' they would bring to campus by increasing SGP's budget, including Garth Brooks (who was already in retirement) and Dave Matthews (who had already rejected SG's previous attempt to bribe him to Gainesville the year before and was as such not a likely gig at all)  This song presents a romantic interlude to that FSP idea of promising to single-handedly bring back multi-millionaire performers from retirement to Gainesville, of all places, which the entire 9 million dollar SG budget itself could not do even if it was tried). The plank of my dreams is the bestest plank of all the orange platforms I know Each wild, fake gig That we promise Fools Fades like a chance with Dave Matthews The bait of Garth Brooks to the average joe will hopefully get him hooked Though our lies are mired in the fact he's retired its the sweetheart-deal of F-S-Pi (Echo, sotto voce: efff-ess-peee)

The FSP's Frank Rhoden Serenades his prospective wealthy candidates with "My FSP Trust Fund Sweetheart" (to the waltz of the Phi Delta Theta song, "My Phi Delta Theta Sweetheart") My F-S-P Trust-fund Sweetheart Funds that I can't forget Ever it seems, It's bottomless dreams You're 40-grand is haunting them yet My F-S-P Trust-fund Sweetheart You've set my funds in a whirl Where e'er you  may be You are always to me My F-S-P Trust-fund Sweetheart

The Sisters of DG Serenade Florida's newest Political Kingmaker with the delightful song, "That's what a Frankie's for" (to the tune of the Delta Gamma song, "That's what a Sister's for") [The Florida Student Party (FSP) of 2000 mentioned below was a rebellious greek coalition backed by the pretigious Sigma Phi Epsilon & (mostly, but not entirely) Delta Delta Delta houses with the partial support of about 4 other houses: Delta Tau Delta, Sigma Chi, Zeta Tau Alpha.  Frank Jason Rhoden was the independent co-chair of the party, rather hefty in stature, and reportedly having a genius IQ.  He authored countless published letters & short columns in the Alligator in the time preceeding the Spring 2000 election and was visible in the party from its inception, before the 2 rebellious Greek houses joined.] When the sun has gone down and the clouds seem to pour he'll cheer up your frown 'cause that's what a Frankie's for If the votes are not there and the campaign getting poor He'll just bribe every one 'cause that's what a Frankie's for If you can't get a slate And your House was ignored He'll open the gate 'cause that's what a Frankie's for

Everybody join in the "Science Fiction, Double Platform" inspired by the FSP's rather ambitious promises (to the tune of Richard O'Brien's "Science Fiction, Double Feature" song from the Rocky Horror Show) [The FSP propanganda/advertising blitz featured several ambitious promises to defend the student body from various threats, both made up and real.  In fairness the promises were really no more far-fetched than other parties in the past and present, but the FSP's Frank Jason Rhoden was dead serious when the alligator published his letter to the editor promising to "map" out Turlington Hall, a hall whose archetecture had been designed to save classroom space at the expense of easy-navigation. Longstanding campus legend has it that students from the 1980's are still wandering the top floors of Turlington hall looking for their class. . .] VERSE: Well when SG was grand, peace was over the land 'Til FSP decided to stand Then the promises followed,  and they thought that we'd swallowed all of the platforms that they pushed in our hand But then I really did care When I saw what was there Open half-times, late-night buses to spare And a letter arrived, from a big bearded guy Saying Turlington's curved halls would turn square CHORUS: Science Fiction, FSP Platform See Blue Key insiders promise you reform Swearing they'll turn SG, into heaven Even put Lombardi, back in the President's Mansion Wo-oh-oh-ohohoh At the late Wednesday night Baja Tortilla Picture Show Big Frank Rho-den-e-en At the late night  double platform promise show

Little Orphan Annie sings "Big Frankie, Big Frankie" (to the tune of "Tomorrow, Tomorrow" from Annie) [Physically, Frank Jason Rhoden's body size was the FSP's closest equivalent to Impact's Thaddeus Bullard (who started on the Fightin' Gator Varsity Football team.) The FSP's party color scheme was Orange and Blue, a rather politically immature decision, made before the Greeks joined, since the colors blend in with the campus too easily to be distinct.) VERSE: Sonny's food will cook out, Big Frankie,  bet your bottom-dollar buffet that big Frankie Will be there Just thinkin' about Big Frankie and his new Tri-Delt girls & hanky panky And that's just for lunch BRIDGE: When your stuck with a vote and a party that looks like it's losing You just put on your shirt, campaign, and scream CHORUS: BIG FRANKIE, BIG FRANKIE WE LOVE YA, BIG FRANKIE You're always an all-you-can-eat-sonny's-tasty-bar-ba-cue-away BIG FRANKIE, BIG FRANKIE YOU'RE AIN'T SKIN & BONES, BIG FRANKIE You're always a plate aaaa-wayyyy

Everybody sing the "FSP Trust Fund Blues" to the tune of W.C. Handy's famous 'St. Louis Blues' [The FSP of 2000 was the best-funded party in SG since Brett Berlin's 1992 Action party--which featured credit cards given out without credit limit from his Nationally prominent democratic party fundraising father, and a professional political consultant hired just for a small little student campaign.  In 2000, FSP's Presidential Candidate Ian Lane came from a prominent family and himself was a successful student businessman--rumours of a trust fund had long been heard as well.  Frank Jason Rhoden, the independent party-co-chair, was rumoured to have rich relatives as well.  Anyway, spending over 30,000 dollars for 12 senate seats and no executive offices in an SG election could cause anyone to start singing the blues.] VERSE: Oh I hates ta see de Election 'sults go down Ah hates to see de Election 'sults go down Cause my trust fund It done let me down Feelin' tomorrow like I feel to-day Feelin' tomorrow like I feel to-day damn I lost  near 30 grand this way (Now Big Frank Rhoden takes his turn):  BRIDGE: It was fun while it lasted oh but now its done I could have got a tap if only we had won Don't say yous leaving too Oh hey Sister Michelle Just 'cause I lost all yo' money You tell me 'go to hell' (The whole party leadership joins in now) CHORUS: |: Got the FSP Trust-Fund blues just as poor as I can be Got the FSP Trust-fund blues cause Big Frank Rhoden lied to me Now that Impact won We's all in mis-e-ry :|

 
 

SPRING 1999 Election

Gary Slossberg, Presidential Candidate of of Vision Party sings "I'm dreamin' of a dry campus" (to the lullabye famous as Bing Crosby's "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas") [Historical Note: Slossberg ran as Vision's (Independent 'Liberal' Party) Presidential Candidate in Spring 1998. Slossberg was sitting IRHA President and a former 'new' Alliance Party (Fall 1996) senator from the historically independent Tolbert area.  Slossberg filed several complaints that Progress Party candidates were falsely claiming Vision wanted a 'dry (alcohol-free) campus' and opposed the popular half-time re-entry privledge.  Slossberg's campaigning ability did not measure up to the standard we would expect it to in any case.  The complaints, of course, went nowhere after no witnesses showed.  Even if the allegations were true, there was no way Vision could have avoided its ignominious defeat at the Hand's of Progress's invincible Greek-Minority coalition.] I'm dreaming of a dry campus With Prohibition for us all Where the egg nog 's dairy safe for Virgin Mary and milk and tea in every bar I'm dreaming of a dry campus with no half-time re-entry at all Frat boys ask for rum & coca-cola saying "hold the rum on that order" (pronounced 'Ordah') and may all your Christmas's be sober

Gary "The Godfather" Slossberg sings "I'm dreaming of a dry campus"[Another Version of the Above, submitted by Big Nick] I'm dreaming of a dry campus Just like da ones I would’ve bribed Where the frats don’t buy kegs and we break all da the legs Of all da FBK-backed guys I'm dreaming of a dry campus Where all da booze-runnin' goes through me If you want to drink up Better secretly pay up Or may all your Campuses be dry

 
 

SPRING 1998 Election & Grapski Libel Trial

LOOK AT ME, I'M PETER VEE [Parody]  (from the Grease song "Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee")  [Peter Vlcek started going to School at UF in the 70's (his picture is on the Hall of Fame in the 3rd floor of The Reitz Union to this day) and was still a player in SG politics up until the Grapski trial--Vlcek was McGovern's patron since both were indepedents and naturally had an alliance in the system.  Vlcek ran a shoddy pro se defence in the trial, consisting of giving hand-written out of order answers to Grapski's claim, making several procedural and cross-examination errors in the trial until he had a mysterious 'car accident' to delay the upcoming verdict.  Originally the verdict would have had $80,000 judgement against Vlcek, but his 'accident' forced a new hearing two years later.  The judge & jury in Spring of 2000 was so unimpressed with his defence and behavior they gave a 6 million dollar judgement against Vlcek to Grapski.] Look at me, I'm Peter Vee  lousy with liability  what should I do when the judge says I'm through?  Declare bankrauptcy?  Want to be president?  consider me heaven-sent  They come back for more though I just turned forty-four  What the hey, that's just me  on the stand, it's always  so hard to recall where exactly I went;  If they don't believe and  the verdict's wrong then (Ooops!)  perhaps a little ac-ci-dent?  One tiny slip of the pen  and they make me pay eighty-thousand  Judge take a clue and my I.O.U  Why not? Take it it's free Even though I lost my key  Confessing to perjury  In just a short while I'll return with a smile  As your leader, Peter Vee  As for you Chuck Grapski too  I know what you want to do  Won't buy your food till I'm successfully sued  Dont forget! I'm Peter Vee

When Johnny McGovern comes marching home again to the American Traditional tune "When Johnny comes marching home" [Dedicated to John "Johnny Lucky Landslide" McGovern, President of the Student Body, 1998-1999, who faced student protests, petitions signed by over 1200 registered students calling for his removal, hatred by both independents & greeks, a hostile press, and a bill of law passed by the State of Florida single-handedly caused by him.] When Johnny comes marching home again hurrah, hurrah, 'twill be at the vote of his recall then, hurrah, hurrah! For the odds are still at least ten to one, that we'll impeach our favourite son And we'll all feel grey when Johnny comes marching home. He hasn't got a prayer they say, hurrah, hurrah, without his friends in FBK, hurrah, hurrah! Forever now on fraternity row his sad face he ne'er can show And we'll all feel sad when Johnny comes marching home. If more should vote for 'aye' than 'nay' hurrah, hurrah, will no one then save the day? Hurrah, hurrah! Oh what, oh what, shall our friend do with a quarter million I.O.U? And we'll all feel grey when Johnny comes marching home.